Prince Harry’s memoir has been parodied by a UK author, here Express.co.uk takes a look at the 10 funniest parts in the book.
Royal commentator claims Spare ‘should never have been written’
1. ‘An oversensitive d**k’
Prince Harry raised eyebrows by discussing his frostbitten penis from his trek to the North Pole in his memoir and the author doesn’t miss a trick by mocking the incident in the book.
The author approached the incident by detailing a visit to a Harley Street doctor after he arrived back in the UK.
The passage read: “The doctor didn’t look up from his desk as I came in, but told me to disrobe. I did so, and there was an uncomfortably long pause while he finished the notes he was working on.
“He came behind the curtain and saw me for the first time. ‘What an over-sensitive dick,’ he said.
“I was grateful to be in the hands of someone who could make such a rapid diagnosis.”
Prince Harry’s memoir has been parodied
Meghan and Harry didn’t expect ‘humiliating’ jokes about Spare, former friend says
For Spare, Prince Harry earned an advance of at least $20 million according to reports. But the book also earned its fair share of criticism and mockery.
A former friend of Meghan Markle has told Express she and Prince Harry have now become “low hanging fruit for Hollywood comedians”, and the couple wouldn’t have expected the “humiliating” jokes.
2. Harry ‘reluctantly’ wore Nazi uniform
The Duke’s infamous fancy dress party, where he decided to go dressed as a Nazi officer, is another target of the parody.
His outfit choice was heavily criticised at the time, forcing the royal to apologise. But in his memoir, Harry claimed that the Nazi costume was actually the Prince and Princess of Wales’s idea – something that the parody book took aim at.
The excerpt reads: “I didn’t have a costume but at the last minute discovered a hire place near to the party venue.
“I went, very reluctantly, and practically without thinking about it, almost at random and with my eyes averted, plucked the first outfit that came to hand, and ended up with a Nazi uniform.
“Willy and Kate were there and it was probably their idea, to be honest, I really can’t quite recall.
“In fact, yes, I can recall and it definitely was their idea.”
Prince Harry returned to the UK this week for a court case
3. Late Queen savagely mocked
It’s not just Harry who the author decides to mock, the late Queen Elizabeth II is also the subject of ridicule.
The takedown occurs in the chapter detailing the moment Harry asked his grandmother for permission to propose to his beau Meghan Markle.
The parody memoir reads: “Finally she picked her nose, flicked the bogey away and in the distinctive cockney bass, which is her true voice when she’s away from the cameras, said: ‘Fill yer facking boots ‘arry. See if I give two shits.’
“And let out a burp that would shatter bone china from the opposite side of a football pitch.”
Prince Andrew famously said he wasn’t able to sweat
3. Andrew’s sweating claim
Prince Andrew also makes a brief appearance in the book, where his notorious claim that he has a condition meaning he is unable to sweat, comes to the fore.
The Duke made the revelation during his infamous sit-down interview with Emily Maitlis in 2019. He told the journalist: “I didn’t sweat at the time because I had suffered what I would describe as an overdose of adrenaline in the Falklands War, when I was shot at … it was almost impossible for me to sweat.”
Mr Vincent took aim at this later on in the book when noting Harry’s inability to cry.
The passage says: “I could not cry, anyway, no more than my uncle Andrew could sweat. As a family we were notorious retainers of liquid.”
Prince Harry’s real memoir was published in January
5. Harry’s dismay at butler’s tell-all memoir
One chapter is dedicated to Harry’s “horror” that his late mother’s former butler, presumed to be Paul Burrell though he is not named, has released a tell-all memoir.
The chapter, which draws clear parallels to the Duke’s decision to release a book, details Harry’s “horror” at such a move.
It reads: “I was speechless with horror… it was disgusting. That a trusted personage at the heart of the family should go outside and sell all the tawdry details at his disposal to the highest bidder – and then go on talk shows around the world to brag about it.
“None of us could countenance the betrayal. It was unconscionable. It was hypocrisy of the very highest order.
“We were all so angry we wanted to have the man hanged, drawn and quartered. Or halved, at the very least.”
Queen Elizabeth II was mocked by the author
Six debunked claims made by Prince Harry in Spare as one is proven to be completely untrue
Royal fans have cast doubt over some of the claims made by Prince Harry in his new book Spare as one allegation is proven to be completely untrue.
From claiming that his stepmother Queen Camilla leaked stories about their first meetings to inaccurate dates, some of the allegations are being put under the microscope.
6. Harry ‘wanted to be a korma’
In the chapter detailing Harry meeting the Spice Girls on a royal trip to South Africa, the author made a hilarious pun out of the girl band’s hit song ‘Spice Up Your Life’.
“But I did not want to spice up my life. My life was already a vindallo. I wanted it to be a korma, a passanda – or even better, an omlette and chips.”
It continued: “Little did I know that in due course my life would turn from a vindaloo to a phal. (A phal is the curry that’s hotter than a vindaloo.)
“And I would find that phal from ideal. And I would suffer a phal from grace. My temperature would rise so much I would need a phalmometer.”
7. Drug hypocrisy
As with Harry’s original memoir, the parody details the Duke’s drug use. In the comedy version, Harry is confronted by a school master about reports that he is taking drugs, having been approached by the press for comment.
The royal is incandescent with rage at the privacy intrusion and furiously denies the claims – despite having detailed his drug use in the chapter prior.
“I was still seething at the intrusion and hypocrisy of it, and couldn’t calm down until I’d smoked six joints.”
This joke was repeated later on in regards to his cocaine use.
“I was utterly dejected at my treatment by the press. In fact, so much so, that I decided a little line was in order, just to take the edge off.”
8. Moment he came ‘face to face with pure evil’
Mixed in the chapters reflecting on his time in Afghanistan with the army, Harry details the moment he came “face to face with pure evil” – but he wasn’t talking about the Taliban.
“After months out there, near the very epicentre of the war, I was finally face to face with pure evil. My blood ran cold.”
The parody version then revealed the enemy was in fact a journalist.
It continued: “Every moment I was in their presence I felt like there were maggots crawling over my skin.
“Every move I made, I was under extreme scrutiny, with danger in the tiniest error that might cascade into a life-threatening shit-storm.”
Prince Harry made several claims against the Firm in his book
9. Late Queen dodged a hug from Diana
The book repeatedly made fun of Harry’s claim in his memoir that there is a lack of physical affection within the Royal Family.
This was highlighted with one particular example in the parody version, which detailed a time the late Queen Elizabeth managed to dodge a hug from Diana at break speed.
“There was a total lack of physical contact. Famously, my mother had once tried to hug my grandmother, who slid out of the embrace with the whippet-like swiftness of a fly-half.”
10. Harry wanted everyone to know he’s ‘p***ed off with his family’
In one of the final chapters, the book details how Harry wanted to work, be active and “spread the message”.
Then at the end of the page, the reader finds out what this work is – not charity work or promoting a cause – but his anger at his family.
Detailing an exchange between Harry and Meghan, it states: “‘I’m glad you think I’ve sufficiently raised awareness,’ I said.
“‘You have,’ she said. ‘The entire world definitely now knows that you are incredibly pissed off with your family.’ At last I could relax.”
Source: EXPRESS CO UK